Prayers

July 14, 2002

by Larry Simoneaux

"Lord, You busy just now?"

"Nope. Just put the finishing touches on another baby."

"Nice looking little thing."

"Yep. Getting pretty good at it if I say so Myself."

"Anything special in this one?"

"Got the cure for cancer in her. Did it once before, but they sent that one back before she was even born. I’m getting tired of having My children returned. I hear they call it ’choice’ down there. Wait ’til they get here and hear what I call it. That’s gonna’ be a real wake up call. Anyway, what’s up?"

"Got a problem in the United States."

"They messing with baseball again? I gave them the perfect game and they ruin it with the designated hitter rule. I find out they’re fooling around with any other rules and they’ll think Mt. St. Helens was a party favor. Next thing you know, they’ll be playing the World Series in November."

"It’s not baseball but, now that You’ve mentioned it, You might want to look in on that November thing."

"Well, it can’t be all that important. What’s got them all in a lather this time?"

"They’ve got congressional elections coming up in November and a lot of people are already asking for advice. What with some of the politicians they’ve gone and elected, they’ve got more problems than a hippopotamus with chapped lips."

"Don’t they remember I don’t do politics. Eight years of Bill and Hillary should’ve been a big enough hint. I’ll admit I helped with the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. Kept things simple. All men are created equal. Same law applies to everyone. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Gave ’em all brains didn’t I? How hard can it be?"

"Pretty hard, apparently. Looks like a whole bunch of them have given up thinking. Now, they let what they call ’Parties’ do that for them. They just pull levers whenever and wherever they’re told to. Given what happened in their last presidential election, it looks like some people down in Florida can’t even do that right."

"Not my problem. Last time I did anything about politicians was to teach people a lesson for asking. I sent them - what was his name? You know, the guy they got a picture of in a canoe fighting off rabbits."

"Carter?"

"Yeah. That’s him. I thought that’d put an end to their asking for once and for all. Tell you the truth, though. I had a good mind to make his brother, Billy, president, but I figured Jimmy would be bad enough. By the way, what’s Jimmy doing now?"

"Helping build houses for poor folk."

"Guess he turned out all right then, didn’t he? Make a note of that. We’ll want to remember it when he gets here. Still, I’m not getting involved. I’m out of politics altogether unless some congressional type starts messing with baseball."

"Still, they keep asking."

"They do, huh? OK, here’s what you do."

"I’m listening."

"Refer them back to My rules. ’Don’t lie.’ ’Don’t steal.’ I think I had a couple of ’Thou shalt nots’ mixed in there too. Pretty straightforward stuff if you ask Me."

"Right. Ten Commandments. I remember You doing the stone carving on that mountain. Scared that Moses guy gray."

"Well, I don’t remember changing any of them, so they’re still in effect. You just tell anyone who asks to go look up the appropriate rules, find the politicians who follow them, and go from there. As for the folks running for office, you might want to remind them I still keep score and they should read up on what’ll happen to anyone who doesn’t abide."

"What about folks like Reverend Jackson and Reverend Sharpton? They’re busy advising folks on who should be in Congress."

"Jackson and Sharpton? Reverends? They’re sure getting a bit loose on passing out My titles down there. How many more examples do they need of how I feel about that? Weren’t they paying attention to what I did with Swaggert? Don’t they know that when I approve the title ‘Reverend,’ it’s for folks who’re more interested in the welfare of others than they are in themselves?"

"Guess they’ve forgotten."

"You just let me handle that one. I’ve got a special place reserved for folks who go around causing trouble and use My titles as license. As for now, though, folks’ll just have to go back to that brain I gave them. Sooner or later they’ll figure out it’s for more than keeping their ears five or six inches apart."

"Right. Anything else?"

"Yeah. Were you serious about baseball in November?"

"Serious as Dolly Parton’s bra.”

"That bad?"

"I swear it."

"Get me the guy in charge of blizzards. I need a word with him."

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Larry Simoneaux graduated from Annapolis, 1971. He holds a BS in English Literature and a MS in Marine Biology from LSU. Larry spent six years in the Navy and is a Viet Nam veteran. He was employed 20 years with the NOAA Corps (formerly the US Coast & Geodetic Survey). Write for the Edmonds (WA) Beacon and the Mukilteo (WA) Beacon. Getting fatter and hair going gray, he has two kids starting college this fall. He resides in Edmonds, WA, with his wife of 31 years - she gets a "Get into Heaven Free" pass for that!