Thoughts on Your Health For Our Time

June 6, 2002

submitted by Andrew E. Carlan

by Dr. Abe Struse, DMV

Dr. Struse writes a medical letter from time to time when he is sobered up. He is a specialist in the diseases of the archipelago, which is why he is willing to go out on a limb. - AEC

Alzheimer’s isn’t all that bad. I wouldn’t go to the gym. But I forget how painful it was the last time. Also, it’s exciting. I see new faces all the time. I only wish someone would introduce me to people who obviously know me.

The guys behind the desk at the gym were giving me the hard sell to renew now because the membership fee is going up. I’ve got to see the boss, I told them. He gave me a special price, which I think is even lower than the one recorded. He was betting I would die long before he had to put in extra machines or stop coming because of ill health, more likely mental than physical. He could see the signs.

I told them not to worry. What other gym would take me as a member? It looks bad to anyone walking by and looking in. I clinched my point. I quoted Groucho Marx who said he’d been thrown out of better places than this. But I did say I would join next time I come if they were willing to risk a credit card already way beyond its limit. I told them they get paid sooner or later. But did they really want the trouble of going to small claims court?

The drug companies can’t get doctors to prescribe drugs like Prozac to the really depressed anymore. They have really dangerous side-effects. So the company is promoting it on television to the well, as well as human beings are ever likely to be. I heard some senators who get a lot of money from Pfizer are pushing to make Prozac an over-the-counter drug and then to get the DEA to see that it doesn’t become a street drug for kids.

The National Institutes of Health announced a new study on AIDS. They are trying to find out whether it has an connection to the "Greenhouse Effect."

People who take vitamins are also much more likely to take flyers handed out at entrances to supermarkets.

Religious people, defined as those who attend a house of worship at least 10 times a year set their thermostats lower than non-believers, which contradicts earlier studies about non-believers and the proximity of Hell. That is the only good thing ever said about Hell and apparently it’s wrong. - AEC

People in Sierra Leone have almost no osteoporosis according to a study published in Facts on File. It suggests that if your thinking of taking out a subscription you might want to think again. It just doesn’t seem worth it.

Anyone who needs an explanation of the above statistic can write Dr. Struse in confidence at the Yahoo Mental Health board. His answer will be posted on the public board.

The National Film Board of Canada found that people who eat 12 meals a day are likelier to loose weight if they live in a house with more than 20 rooms.