To ensure we Americans never offend anyone - particularly fanatics intent on killing us (and liberals) - airport screeners will not be allowed to profile people. They will continue random searches of 80-year-old women, little kids, airline pilots with proper identification, Secret Service agents who are members of the President’s security detail and 85-year old Congressmen with metal hips.

Let’s pause a moment and take the following test.

In 1979, the U.S. embassy in Iran was taken over by:

(a) Norwegians from Ballard;

(b) Elvis;

(c) A tour bus full of 80-year-old women; or

(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

(a) A pizza delivery boy;

(b) Crazed feminists complaining that being able to throw a grenade beyond its own burst radius was an unfair and sexist requirement in basic training;

(c) Geraldo Rivera making up for a slow news day; or

(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

(a) Luca Brazzi, for not being given a part in "Godfather 2;"

(b) The Tooth Fairy;

(c) Butch and Sundance who had a few sticks of dynamite left over from the train mission, or

(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

(a) Mr. Rogers;

(b) Hillary, to distract attention from Wild Bill’s women problems;

(c) The World Wrestling Federation to promote its next villain: "Mustapha the Merciless;" or

(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.

(a) Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck, and Elmer Fudd.

(b) The Supreme Court of Florida trying to outdo their attempted hijacking of the 2000 Presidential election;

(c) Mr. Bean, or

(d) Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40.