1. Scenes from 2005

   Scene 1:

   Knesset debate. The Likud Knesset Members are proposing that the PLO observe seven days of full and complete tranquility before the national unity government headed by Yossi Beilin and Azmi Bashara begins serious dialogue and negotiations with the PLO about the transporting of Jews into concentration camps run by the Palestinian Authority. The Meretz faction dismisses such a Likud demand as silly and unrealistic, and insists that it is urgent to achieve peace by agreeing to the PLO’s demands. In any case, US President Hillary Clinton has backed the PLO’s position. The EU denounces Israeli intransigence for trying to set up obstacles to the new peace plan. Meanwhile, the Shinui faction in the Knesset, backed by Meretz, insists the Knesset pass a bill stipulating that after agreeing to the PLO’s program, no Jews transported into the new peace concentration camps will be coerced into eating kosher foods or observing the sabbath. A contingent from the Religious Action Center of the Reform movement in the US demands that all concentration camps be equipped with separate synagogues in which men and women can sit together and pray for the environment and affirmative action without wearing a tallis. The Likud then softens its demands from seven days of tranquility to two days. President Pappe then urges the Likud to soften its position further and the Likud finally agrees that seven days of 100% effort by the PLO to stop the mass murders of Jews by PLO stormtroopers and Einsatzgruppen will suffice. Prime Minister Beilin then lowers the demand to 90% effort, in the interests of peace.

   Scene 2, in my house:

   Me: This is getting on my nerves. I have threatened the kids with a month without TV unless they keep their rooms clean for a whole week.

   Wife: Yes, you have been threatening that for the past five years.

   Kids: But Pop, we are REALLY REALLY trying to keep our rooms clean, just the dirt somehow keeps sneaking past us in spite of our most vigorous efforts.

   Me: Poppycock. Either the rooms get cleaned right now and stay clean for a week or it is doomsday for TV watching.

   Youngest son: Humor the old coot. He has been threatening that for five years.

   Next youngest: Pop, we promise to devote 100% efforts to cleaning our rooms, although of course we really cannot guarantee that the rooms will actually be clean.

   Next youngest: If we keep him off our backs for a bit longer we will all move out and get married and then he can clean them himself.

   Me: But the cockroaches are having their 20th generation of offspring there this week.

   Kids: Hey Pop we are doing our best. We are implementing our own peace plan on the clutter in our rooms.

   Me: Ok, 100% effort?

   Kids: How about 80%?

2. General Zinni has urged Israel to overlook the minor inconvenience of having the PLO murder Jews every day, since - after all - any major US city worth its salt has thousands of shooting incidents each year. SO why should Israel insist on its silly demand to have seven days of tranquility before resuming its capitulations?

   Sharon’s people did NOT respond that if the US has so many shootings and so such shootings are not worth getting excited about, then why is Bush making so much noise over a single day of violence on September 11?

   It appears that General Zinni is a Ninny.

   Meanwhile, Sharon’s spokesman, Avi Pazner, actually pulled off an uncharacteristic bon mot. Pazner is usually a disaster as a PR guy, partly cause he looks and sounds like Igor on old Boris Karloff movies.

   But this morning the BBC interviewed a PLO spokesnazi about the bus bombing yesterday. The PLOnik says what do you want from us, the explosion took place in ISRAELI territory and the terrorists got on the bus from a town in ISRAELI occupation, so why are you complaining that the PLO is somehow responsible for this? The BBC bimbo agrees and hectors Pazner, saying he is right, right?

   Pazner comes back with, "Hey the events of Sept 11 took place on US territory so why are you not insisting that bin Laden cannot possibly be responsible?"

   Stunned silence from the BBC boob. Two points for Pazner.

3. So within a few hours of Sharon making the US happy by withdrawing Israeli troops from Jenin, a series of new PLO atrocities take place, including blowing up a bus and shooting up Afula, in both cases where the terrorhoid probably came from Jenin. Think there might be some connection?

4. The kleptocratic pseudo-religious political party SHAS has stated, in one of its official newsletters, that the Reform movement collaborated with the Nazis in World War II. Now, as you know, I have as much negative stuff to say about the Reform as the next person. But collaborating with Nazis? And all this coming from the same SHAS without whose support Oslo would never have been imposed on Israel by Shimon Peres, the same SHAS long devoted to Labor-led Israel collaborating with the PLO Nazis.

5. As you know, the Belgians have taken valuable time away from their enormous contributions to the US-led international war against international terrorism, so that they can stage a show trial of Ariel Sharon for the fact that he failed to stop Lebanese Arabs from killing Palestinian Arabs in 1982. Of course these same Belgians bear considerable responsibility for Rwandans killing each other and for Congo being such a horrific place. In any case, when challenged, the head of the legal committee of the Belgian parliament attacked Jews, Israel, and Sharon, saying at least OUR (Belgian) government does not consist of fascists and racists.

   Got that? The Israeli government consist of fascists and racists in the "mind" of this Belgium waffle.

   But the real question is whether Sheriff Sharon will actually learn something from all this. After spending the past year or so trying continuously to be seen as being nice, agreeing to a unilateral ceasefire, repeatedly withdrawing from Jenin and other centers of terror, exercising restraint while the PLO shells civilians with mortars, firing daily into Jerusalem houses, and even announcing he supports the creation of an independent Palestinian Reichlet, will Sharon wake up? Will he sniff the coffee? Will he realize at last that being nice just produces Belgian and other cheerleaders for atrocities against Jews and for Arab nazism?

6. The Israeli elite is scratching its lemming fur about what it should do if Saddam bombs Israel after George W. decides to send him some Tomahawks and Marine visitors.

   We have a simple formula to help them:

   A single SCUD with conventional explosives? Israel firebombs Baghdad with napalm.

   A single SCUD with anthrax? Nuke Baghdad.

   Always glad to help out.

Steven Plaut

Copyright © 2001 by Steven Plaut.
All Rights Reserved.

-Published with permission