OpinioNet Contributed Commentary - Timothy Rollins <tim@opinionet.com>
January 25, 2002
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"Beneath the Surface"
The Ultimate Umbilical Cord
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In what is a sign of what is indeed an increasingly disturbing trend, there are more and more young adults living at home past college graduation – in the rooms they have probably occupied since they were five years old, only now they are paying their parents rent. Why is it so many of them seem to be having difficulty with the concept of growing the hell up and getting a life of their own?
All of us know at least one (or more) of them – they’re male as well as female. They work with us at the office, play in our bowling league or softball team, attend church with us and in some cases, even go out on dates with us. For some reason, they just don’t want to let go of being a “kid”. Call it “Peter Pan Syndrome” if you want – these folks just don’t want to grow up.
I remember when I was a student at Utah State University (seal shown, right) more than 20 years ago. We had a guy up there that I perceived as a professional student/politician. He served as Student Relations VP his sophomore year, Academic VP his junior Year and Executive VP his senior Year. He was a pretty good guy in many respects, but when he decided to stay around for a fifth year and go for the brass ring despite having enough credits for graduation, that was when I went to work and campaigned for his opponent, who with my help, went on to win the election. Sure enough – to absolutely nobody’s surprise, this guy – the “professional” student/politician wound applying for graduation the very next day.
The fact is that while such clinging to one’s youth was the exception then, it has sadly become the norm now. In a recent series on “The Early Show” on CBS, Bryant Gumbel – along with his viewers, were forced to endure the so-called ‘laments’ of these overgrown teenagers. Gumbel was actually wise enough to recognize these crybabies for what they were and suggested that they ‘get over it’ and get a life, as it were.
Perhaps nowhere is this overgrown adolescence better personified than on the NBC hit show “Friends” (shown, left). All these overgrown rudderless teenagers do is sit around the coffee shop all day shooting the breeze lamenting their sorry, pathetic miserable lot in life. Tell me, where do they get their rent money? With their perpetual presence at the coffee shop, they don’t seem to have any time for work. Could the reason they’re at the coffee shop be because they have no other friends besides each other?
Last year, Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner published a book (right) called (get a load of this): Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties. At this point, I have to ask myself where the heck were these people’s parents – but then again, I remembered: Their parents usually divorced sometime when these kids were between 6 and 14 years old, and the parents abdicated their role, thus leaving the children rudderless while they pursued their own selfish ambitions – and now we as a society are paying for it in spades.
Robbins and Wilner claim that kids are too sheltered nowadays. Robbins also claims that college is like summer camp, to which I say on both counts, BULL! The fact remains that college remains a preparation for the real world, and if kids want to party their brains out, they do not have to go to Duke University or Syracuse or wherever to get a major in it. While parties are a key part of college life and a healthy way to blow off steam as long as it is done in moderation, college is a preparation for the rest of your life. The fact is that most young adults graduating college today are able to land suitable jobs shortly after graduation and are able to make effective entries into the work force. These perpetual adolescents that just cannot let go are perhaps in need of therapy or worse, mama’s boys or daddy’s little girls who will just never leave the nest – and if that’s the way their mentality is wired, then perhaps it’s best that they never leave home.
When I finished school in 1984, I was able to find work almost immediately, putting my skills to use. Almost 20 years later, I find my skill level has risen to a level of proficiency of which I am justifiably proud. With responsibilities for some 20+ people under me – all of whom I consider it a privilege to have working with me, I find myself a blessed man indeed.
With young women now marrying at an average age of 25 and young men at just under 27 – according to Census Bureau figures, the trend for marrying is at an increasing age, with couples seeming to wait a little longer before beginning their families. When my father was 27, he was already the father of four children, and when I was 27, I was the father of two children myself, but we are talking about different generations and different belief and values systems here.
In the end – to me, all this talk about extended adolescence is much ado about nothing – for by the time I was 30, I had graduated high school, served in the Marines, gone to college, married, had a couple of children, divorced, worked in the private sector a few years and served in uniform again until a catastrophic knee injury brought that to an end.
Regrets? Not by a long shot. While not what I expected, my life has been rich and rewarding, and what I am doing now is bringing more joy and fulfillment that I would have ever imagined possible five years ago. Between that, my faith and my little boy, nothing else really matters.
As for my adolescence? Like everything else, it had its time, and I was glad to leave it behind when the time came to do so. I think of what the Apostle Paul had to say on the subject:
“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11, KJV)
Game. Set. Match. Goodbye.
Timothy Rollins
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-Published with permission
Utah State University
"Friends"
Quarterlife Crisis