Tim Rollins Photo courtesy of Beth Rollins

It seems that there is no end to the bitching, moaning, whining, bellyaching and complaining that some people are into these days. No matter how hard you try, there is no way you can please them as they want it either their way or the highway – so to those people, I say bend over and pucker up! Take a closer look around your own neighborhood and you may well understand exactly the point I am trying to make. In the Washington DC suburbs, this seems to have reached both an art form and a fever pitch if the stories in The Washington Post are even close to representative of that area.

We begin with suburban Arlington, Virginia, just a stone’s throw across the Potomac River. Arlington is home to what is undoubtedly our most revered cemetery and to where many our fallen have gone to their final resting-place. From General John J. Pershing to Challenger Space Shuttle pilot Michael Smith, each of these fallen heroes has come to Arlington for their final rest. However, out and about the town, we have a city council out there that has gone in a word, bananas.

With the urban sprawl into the ever-growing suburbs, we have so-called "neighborhood associations" coming up with rules - some of which make sense and are prudent and wise, and some that are just downright stupid in some cases. In fact, some laws are so dumb, there is a web site devoted to them. With the motto "Big government, small brains, dumb laws", the web site http://www.dumblaws.com will show you a list of all the stupid laws that are on the books – not only in the United States, but around the world. It will also provide you with the opportunity to send them any others you think should be added. Some of these neighborhood associations will not allow you to have a clothesline in your backyard to use for hanging your clothes to dry and thus give them both a fresher smell as well as saving you a few bucks by leaving your dryer off. But I digress.

In Arlington, the city council in their questionable wisdom has outlawed the ringing of bells by vendors - even on ice cream trucks. This has had the effect of compromising these vendors’ ability to earn a decent wage for their time and effort. A case in point is 34-year old Salou Kaba (pictured), who was issued a summons for ringing his bells to let children know he was in their neighborhood, or in other words, the Good Humor Man was busted for plying his trade. Kaba argues that ringing the bell is necessary to let the children know that you are there and he is right. Police argued that Kaba had been warned once, and when he was seen ringing his bell, an officer promptly appeared and wrote him up. One of these Good Humor men was fined $500 for ringing his bell. Give me a break!

The county code that says in part that no vendor "shall shout, make any outcry, blow a horn, ring a bell or use any sound device". Clearly, this is a case of the law getting out of control and yet the citizenry aren’t willing to do anything about it. That is probably the most disturbing part of the whole matter – people just letting the government be their master and not their servant and that is a slippery slope that we as a people cannot afford.

Meanwhile, some neighbors in Charles and Anne Arundel Counties in Maryland seem to be getting out of hand with what seems to be the growing phenomenon of ‘yard rage’ – or in other words, the next-door neighbor version of what road rage is on the freeway. One case in Charles County that began as a tiff on a swing-set between a couple of ten-year olds led to a series of visits by the sheriff’s deputies and court costs of over $80,000 – and that was before one of the parties involved moved. Some people are even getting into tiffs with their neighbors over leaves falling into their yards. To them and most of the others who are so easily inflamed by things they cannot control, I say this: GET A LIFE! GROW UP! Or as I was taught at the NCO Academy, know yourself and assume responsibility for your actions! – Even more importantly, people should realize that there are some things that neither you nor your neighbor can control, such as leaves falling in your back yard. If you don’t want the leaves there, get a lawn mower with a bag on the back and collect the leaves that way.

Get a life! These are words of wisdom that some people would do well to learn from.

• Photo of Salou Kaba courtesy of Michael Robinson-Chavez - The Washington Post
• With files from The Washington Post http://www.washingtonpost.com

Copyright © 2000 by Timothy Rollins.
All Rights Reserved.

-Published with permission