It is football season. So that means it is time for me to dust off the analogies and start comparing politics to my second favorite professional sport. If I could have come up with an article worthy hockey analogy I would have compared it to my favorite sport but that is just the way the cookie crumbles.
We now take you to the field ...
It has been a doozy of a fight between America and the left. To recap the action here for those of you just joining us, the left had a first down on America’s own four yard line because too many Americans just stopped playing the game. They walked off the field and left behind only a few of their countrymen to stand on the gridiron and finish the game as the liberals continued to play hard. Outmanned and outgunned however those Americans that remained vigilant saved certain defeat with a last second tackle after the left had gone ahead on their previous drive.
The left pouted. They threw a red challenge flag complaining that they had been unjustly denied their game clinching touchdown. But the referees conferred and after looking at the replay from every conceivable angle determined that yes, indeed, the left had not been unfairly denied. After throwing a second red flag and being told that they could not do so, the left yelled and screamed. They were assessed a fifteen yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct and moved back to America’s nineteen.
They were still within range of a field goal and could have pretty much sewn up the game. But on first and goal the left continued to complain. They got slapped with another penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct and were moved back to the thirty-four. Undeterred Senator John Kerry grabbed the referee, got assessed another fifteen yards, saw his team pushed back midfield and had himself ejected.
Realizing that they were not getting anywhere the left finally decided to actually try to run some plays. On first and goal from the forty-nine they came up to the line. President Obama came up under center barking out the play call. “Evil Republicans!” he called. “No new ideas!” he lamented. “Set! Hike!”
He dropped back and the American rush smothered him for a loss of ten yards. Frustrated, Harry Reid chucked a member of the American team after the play and got fifteen more yards tacked on to the loss.
Next up was second down. Back under center President Obama adapted his play calling. “Failed ideas of the past!” he started. “Don’t return to them! ... SET! ... HIKE!” He took two steps back into the pocket but the rush again broke through the left's offensive line. The President was hit so hard that he lost the ball. It bounced on the turf and a mad scramble ensued. America had its hands on the football for a minute but Nancy Pelosi ripped off her helmet, bared her teeth and bit as hard as she could. The ball was loose and Florida Representative Alan Grayson dropped on it for the left and held on for dear life. The ball was now back to the left’s own twenty.
Third down proved equally disastrous for the left. Unable to decide on what play to call the left ran around looking for answers and time expired. Five yards for delay of game was assessed. President Obama however came up with a strategy for the next play which he assured his team would win them they game. They broke huddle and the President swaggered confidently to the line. He put his hands under center Barney Frank’s posterior and the Massachusetts Representative giggled with delight.
“No tax cuts for the wealthy!” Obama started his call. “Middle-class tax cuts held hostage by Republicans! Set! HIKE!”
Immediately however the rush again broke through the offensive line. President Obama scrambled. He ran to the left but there were Americans there. He whirled back to the center but there were Americans there too. He did not even try to go to the right because he knew that no one would believe the move and smell it out immediately as a fake. Trapped, the President clutched the ball as tightly as he could and braced as a wave of Red, White and Blue clad warriors smothered him at his own one yard line.
Then it was chaos on the liberal team. Everyone was blaming everyone else for being backed up in the shadow of their own goal line when not too long ago they had the ability to end this game within their grasp. Nancy Pelosi blamed President Obama. President Obama blamed Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. Harry Reid blamed the Tea Party movement. You did not need a microphone to hear the discontent in the huddle. Meanwhile, several Americans had come back out of the locker room and rejoined the game.
That's where we stand right now. Back to full strength now the Americans are lining up against the left who is arguing what play to run next. The play clock has run out. Another delay of game against the left and now they are being moved back to the half yard line. The clock is being wound and now it is the two minute warning.
But there is dissention in the ranks of the left. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi want to go for it. They claim that they can get the touchdown that would all but ice the game. They are making their case, boy are they ever. But it looks President Obama is overriding their decision! He is hobbled and favoring his left knee and left arm and probably doesn’t want to take another hit. He is sending out the punt unit as play is about to resume.
The left is lining up to kick. The Americans have one man back to field the ball standing at the fifty yard line but they have everyone else up on the line for what looks like will be a jailhouse break for an attempt to block the kick. Nothing is going to be left on the field for these final two minutes.
Down by six, America has perhaps just this one last chance to win the game.
Copyright ©2010 J.J. Jackson