Millions Have Been Killed With the Jawbone of an Ass!

Israel had been disgraced, defeated, degraded, and almost destroyed. Their spirit was dying. They had been humbled by the Philistines, a nation made up of five cities along the Mediterranean Coast. They worshipped Dagan, the pagan fish god, and that religion was on the ascendency and Jehovah worship was on the decline. There was no Jewish opposition, no crying to God. They had “learned to live with it.” It seems that it was “just the way it was.”

In such a time as this, God had a man. He usually does. His name was Samson, born to a very pious couple who had been without a child a long time.

I think Samson was impressed with himself, forgetting that his incredible strength came from God. He did not delineate between what God did and what he did. At one time he killed a thousand Philistine soldiers with the jawbone of an ass. All the attendant publicity and talk made the Philistine leader think about the danger to his regime from ass jawbones. Tyrants sleep restlessly when their slaves are armed with ass jawbones, pitchforks, clubs, ball bats, knives, or guns. Some tyrants in Washington are resting uneasily at this time in fear of whistleblowers, leaked emails, subpoena servers,  and House Congressional Hearings.

The Philistine tyrants had already forbidden the Jews from owning any weapons and even forced them to have a Philistine sharpen their plows! Having to get the enemy to sharpen the plows was mainly to debase, disparage, and demoralize the Jewish population.  Of course, totalitarians always prohibit weapons in the hands of citizens to keep them “on the reservation” without any means of gaining their freedom. And tyrants love to keep the hoi polloi in line.

After Samson’s famous, fabulous, and fearsome victory using the only weapon available, the jawbone of an ass, I assume the Philistine strongman made ass jawbones illegal. Maybe he started with a national register of all ass jawbones. After Samson’s incredible victory over the slave masters, I assume every Jewish home acquired a trusty, tried, and true jawbone of an ass for protection. The slaves were arming themselves! When that happens, tyrants don’t sleep well and have constant heartburn.

Jawbones are dangerous as proved by a thousand military funerals so the government needed to know where all ass jawbones were located. In the event of an uprising, all jawbones could be quickly confiscated. No doubt, there was also a movement to register the jawbones of mules, horses, cows, camels, etc., since they can be easily modified to become deadly assault weapons although not as deadly as the jawbone of an ass.  

Of course, there had to be a “cooling off period” before any purchase of an ass jawbone could be concluded. Any Jew could slip into Gaza and purchase a jawbone and go on a killing spree, such as Samson did; however, the officials could frustrate that possibility. They could continue the weapons ban by making a purchaser wait indefinitely for his jawbone.

The more radical leftists thought that registering of ass jawbones did not go far enough so it was suggested that anyone with a jawbone be required to get a permit to possess one and an additional permit to carry. Questions must be answered: why do you need a jawbone? How large is your jawbone? How many jawbones do you possess? Do you keep your jawbone in a secure place? Are there children in the home?

Of course, anyone possessing a jawbone must purchase liability insurance at 100,000 shekels per jawbone.

More intrusive legislation would be considered that would negate the registering and permit requirements: no citizen can be trusted with any jawbone so every jawbone in the land will be confiscated starting Monday morning. That may seem to be a little hasty but not really since a thousand children could have been killed instead of soldiers. Always for the sake of children.

After hearing Obama, Holder, Reid, Pelosi, and Company use silly, senseless, and specious arguments to pitch, promote, and propagate gun control (confiscation), I am convinced that Samson is not the only person to use the jawbone of an ass to attempt to kill off opponents. Since Samson’s day, the jawbone of an ass has been very effective, especially is that true in Washington, D.C.