Friendship Denied

Friendships have been threatened, and some have ended over politics. What does friendship mean to you, and how important is it to have a friend? The dictionary would define friend as an acquaintance, a close companion. I would add someone you can rely on, especially in times of hardship and controversy. Sometimes, for some people, a friend can be as close emotionally and mentally as a family member. 

Throughout history friends have on occasion squabbled and had differences of opinion, and would put on hold any interaction until feelings and emotions simmered down. And there may have been times when world leaders, once friends, might have gone to war over disagreements. But I believe most would agree that a good tried and true friend can be more precious than gold.

Yes, indeed, the meaning and importance of a friend plays a significant role in the lives of people. You might even say, in most cases, that having a friend can be an essential factor in the well-being, happiness, and stability in one’s life. Could there be any reason you can think of for this kind of human relationship that has existed through time to disappear? 

There came a time in America when the meaning of friendship went through a transformation. I believe this change occurred around the beginning of this century. Now, one can ascertain that there have been instances over the years when friendships have been tested. In most cases, it usually involved personal, political, or cultural issues. If someone were to ask, was there a specific time or event when the threat to what we could define as a normal friendship intensified? I would say yes. 

Several years ago there was an event that was the genesis of a schism. There was disharmony among family members and friends, which to this day still exists. There was anger and frustration; it was a manifestation of a nation divided socially and ideologically along political lines and led to a deep divide among people in all demographic groups.

What follows is one of those stories as sent to me in an email I recently received from a business acquaintance. The details of this occurrence have had a profound effect on those who are familiar with it, and more so than most other similar situations. What happened between the two people involved is a sad, sad commentary on the human experience and friendship.

The individual involved is a well-respected writer and author in his field, but to most people would be unfamiliar. For our purposes here, let us call him John. It can be said that politically and socially, he is conservative and Christian. In this opening quote, you can begin to understand the hurt and surprise of John. “My oldest friend in the world has suspended our friendship until some undetermined later date. I have been friends with this guy since 1972, half a century. We grew up together only a few streets away from each other. We went to junior high, high school, and college together."

John goes into detail about all the activities, the good and bad times that he and his “dear” friend shared together. They laughed and played and cajoled each other. How when in high school, they both worked together in the kitchen of a local eatery. And in college, they both held positions as president and secretary of the student body. They were in each other’s weddings, and kept in touch along with their wives through phone calls and emails.

At some point John goes on to say that a few years ago he noticed a change, he refers to it as“certain frostiness.” His friend stopped returning his phone calls and did not respond to his emails. Eventually, his friend admitted that it was Trump. John remarked “Fifty years of friendship iced because of a politician.” His friend then added that perhaps we might be able to resume our friendship when Trump was gone.

But even after Joe Biden was elected president, John reached out and discovered he was still on the outs, and several attempts to reach out failed. Then after a few weeks, he received an email from his friend that read “Political times have sapped my enthusiasm for investing in our friendship, so, no, not yet. It does seem rather cruel; try again next year, I might renew our friendship then.”

As I mentioned previously John is a well-respected writer, and most of his articles are conservative in nature, dealing mostly with religion, and some politics. It goes without saying that those whose political affinities lean left would disagree with his opinions and criticisms. He also mentioned that another friend whom he has known for decades emailed him saying that John “disgusted him.”

The pandemic, the January 6 protest, the 2020 “summer of love,” the lies and inaccurate reporting by the mainstream media, and the catalyst, former President Trump, among other issues, all played a part in what John believes are factors in alienating his once friends. He also mentioned that there were a few business associates that have also severed all ties with him.

I considered emailing John and explaining to him that perhaps his good old friend is not worth his time. Perhaps John is much too good, decent, and honorable of a man to cherish the friendship of an individual who has proven that he is nothing more than a selfish, immature fool. And that his friend is so shallow and weak of mind and spirit that he would allow a politician and some disagreements to so infect his life that he would deny a good friend.

John concludes his story with these words “Maybe my friend is right. Maybe we can’t be friends right now, maybe never. For me, though, that would be unspeakably sad. Message to my old pal: my door is always open.”