Getting Even

You’re familiar with the thoughts and the rhetoric - “One of these days, I’m going to get even with you!” Today, many people are either threatening to or actually getting even with others. If they are not careful, ‘one of these days’ will turn into a lifetime (all of these days) of trying to get even. The problem with getting even is that we will never get ahead, which most of us want to do. 

Let me share a true-life story that happened years ago that I found reading Zig Ziglar's book, Something to Smile About, that speaks of a higher, more robust response than getting even, or should I say revenge. It could change your life if you're stuck in the getting-even cycle. 

"One day, some of the East Berliners decided they would send their West Berlin adversaries a little "gift." They loaded a dump truck with garbage, broken bricks, stones, building materials, and anything else of zero value. They drove a truck across the border, gained clearance, and dumped it on the West Berlin side of the Iron Curtain.

The West Berliners were incensed and would "get even" with them. They wanted to "pay them back." Fortunately, a wise man intervened and gave entirely different counsel about getting even with them. As a result, the West Berliners responded differently than the East Berliners. 

The West Berliners loaded a truck with food (which was scarce in East Berlin, clothing (which was also scarce), medical supplies (which were even scarcer), and a host of other essential items. They took the truck across the border, carefully unloaded it all, and left a neat sign that read, “Each gives according to his ability to give.” 

The West Berliners had taken Booker T. Washington’s philosophy literally, “I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.” Why? Hate and revenge make us act stupid when we are not stupid. It’s much harder to return evil with good, to take the high road, when the low road is more popular and much easier. Ernest Blevins says, “You can always tell when you are on the road of righteousness – it’s uphill.”  

Here are some quotes revealing the nature and consequences of revenge. "Revenge is a deceiver - it looks sweet but is often bitter." "It costs more to revenge injuries than to bear them." "You can't win by trying to even the score." "The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you." "Even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat." "Hating someone is like burning your house to kill a rat." Surely the Lord has more for us than this. (II Chronicles 25:9)

How does ‘One of these days, I’m going to get even with you’ start? It starts with an event that triggers something dark inside of us. Dr. Glenn Doyle clarifies dark triggers for us in this statement. "We're not ourselves when we're triggered. We become who we think we need to be to survive. And when we're constantly triggered, our identity (who we are) can start to slip away – because our personality and values are continually hijacked by fight-or-flight reflexes.

Let's unwrap a concept many of you might not be familiar with. Here's the scripture. 

“Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. ‘I’ll do the judging,’ says God. ‘I’ll take care of it.’ But if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; in so doing, you will heap burning coals upon his head. Don't let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.” (Romans 12:19-21)

I can hear some of us thinking, "That’s right, God – heap those burning coals on their head…go get 'em!" But that's not what this statement means. In those days, some people went through their village carrying coals of fire in a pan on their heads. When someone's fire went out, they would give them burning coals to start their fire again. Fires were necessary in those days. Their lives depended on fire. Proverbs 25:21 says the Lord rewarded these acts of kindness. 

Remember the opening story in this article? I wonder how those East Berliners felt, along with the gratitude for the much–needed supplies after the West Berliners “heaped burning coals” on their heads. They might have even been embarrassed at their attitudes.

Some might think, "What if the ‘don’t return evil in like kind’ approach doesn’t work?” The Bible follows up Romans 12 with the answer at the beginning of Romans, Chapter 13. God has created government as the "avenger of evil or wrongdoing.” Governments set up police, courts, agencies, and the like to get even with people who are depraved or have broken the law in one way or another. We, as law-abiding people, need to hold our government officials accountable to be the avenger of wrong by your vote. 

In conclusion, most triggers are more personal, where no law is broken. Why not let your first tactic be the “kill 'em-with-kindness” approach? Don't return evil for evil. Be more magnanimous than that.