Lack of Civility Starts at Home

In the ongoing chaos that our current society exhibits, crude behavior is often overlooked or taken for granted in the midst of more serious matters like mass shootings, dysfunctional governments, etc. But these more serious problems arguably stem from something fundamental that’s sorely lacking in today’s America – civility.

No matter where you reside these days, there’s no such thing anymore as a “routine” shopping trip. Your head needs to be on a swivel, ready to quickly identify anything that seems out of the ordinary. With that in mind, two recent incidents in my shopping excursions were, short of live fire, sobering reminders of how common bad behavior has become.

In the first incident, a manager and employee at a local tire store got into a heated argument – the type that used to take place only behind closed doors - about a mishandled transaction. In front of me and two other customers who were waiting to be served, these guys almost came to blows about an issue that was simply the result of misunderstanding or miscommunication. What they failed to realize in the heat of the moment, was that they had probably lost at least three customers for future business, not to mention the friends and family we will warn against doing business there.

The second incident was worse than the first. As I waited for the cashier to find my takeout order at a Thai restaurant, a couple entered the already crowded entrance, and the man accidentally knocked a glass vase from a ledge. As broken glass always does, it shattered in a hundred directions, including, if he was to be believed, hitting the foot of another customer who was waiting for a table. That gentleman asked the first one, “Where’s my apology?” My hopeful thought was that these guys knew each other and the “victim” was only kibbitzing with his “friend.” However, as the first guy’s wife jumped in and snapped, “It was an accident – nothing to apologize for,” it was apparent that this was not just some playful joking. The cutting words escalated from there to cursing, name-calling, and the need for others to step in and try to de-escalate the situation. In the end, the glass-breaker’s wife said in a huff, “We’re out of here. F** this place!” So, this woman, whom the second “victim” had called “Karen” at one point, unwittingly fit the insult that name conveys these days and managed to blame the restaurant and the other guy – anything to shift blame from her klutzy husband.

These are just a couple of local anecdotes. I’m sure that most of us have witnessed similar situations in airports and planes, stadiums, and while dining out or shopping. Unfortunately, bad behavior in public has become the new normal. So, when we see Chuck Schumer, Hakeem Jeffries, and yes, President Trump use the most degrading insults on their political opponents, it should come as no surprise. Neither should the intensity of the political divide that those paying attention are all too well aware of. Even Christians, commanded by Jesus to love one another, can get caught up in the needless arguing that can so quickly spiral out of control. Sadly, we often need to agree not to discuss politics with friends or loved ones who are on the opposite side, just to prevent terrible arguments from ensuing.

We’ve certainly come a long way from the New-Agey “I’m OK – You’re OK” of the 1970s to “I’m Right – You’re Wrong” fifty years later. The question is - “Why?” What has made so many people harden their opinions to the point of a hair-trigger setting off their tempers?

When Don Henley, the former and current Eagle, sang the lyric “there’s a yearning undefined, and people filled with rage…how can love survive, in such a graceless age?” was he prescient or just another sour-grapes liberal? After all, his song “Heart of the Matter” hit the charts many years ago (1989), and was an apparent lament not just about lost love, but implicitly about how heartless the country had become in his view by electing Ronald Reagan twice to the presidency. Whatever Henley’s motivation, those lyrics capture perfectly the temper of our times almost 40 years later. And his hit song was just an indicator along the way of the division that was germinated during the Vietnam War, grew steadily over time, and was heavily fertilized by the Divider-in-Chief, former President Obama.

What our modern culture continues to illustrate is the impact of self-centered versus other-centered behavior on a massive scale. Until people are humbled enough to recognize there is something much bigger than them and their needs going on, we will continue to stumble along a path that most assuredly leads to destruction.