A Tribute To My Step-Dad - Richard Phillips

Richard Phillips was my stepfather, marrying my mom just over a year after my dad passed on. He had been an elder in the church where my dad served his last pastorate. My mom, Bonnalee, had borrowed his Super 8 movie projector, and evidently, he had to marry her to get it back! Or that's how the story went. 

Richard was 51 years old when they married, and mom was only 38, with three young kids. He had been a bachelor all his life, living with his mother and sister on their farm at the other end of town. What a shock that must have been to his system. Knowing what I know now, I have much more respect for him than I did then. He had been farming some of the same ground that his father had farmed. And he had lived in only three different homes in his life, all no more than a mile from each other. So, he moved in with mom and us kids after their wedding and the honeymoon trip to Hawaii. They even had a child of their own together, my sister Lynda, in 1965 when mom was 40! It fulfilled their love and marriage, and added wonderfully to our family. 

He was a good man - kind, soft-spoken, somewhat shy and reserved, and quiet. He jumped in and took us sort of under his wing. He had never had a wife or kids before, and got right into it! Before long, we were helping with the farming, like the fun chores of walking bean fields and cutting out weeds and volunteer corn. He taught me how to drive in his old 3-speed pickup truck, and soon I was driving any of his tractors, helping with farm labors. 

Richard did not push his way into our lives, nor did he step in to be “the dad.” He quietly supported mom in her dealing with us kids, but then, we were almost angelic in our behavior. (Yeah, right!) Honestly, though, we were quite well-behaved compared to “normal” kids - whatever that is! Though mom was wonderful and loving, we knew we did not want to ever cross her. She was firm and demanding, while being loving and reasonable. Having grown up in church, we kids were very respectful of our parents and their household rules. We did the normal arguing and spatting, especially surrounding doing dishes, which was our nightly chore, all together. Other household chores were also shared by us, like cleaning, weeding gardens, and mowing. For all we knew, that's just what families were supposed to do!

I never heard a foul word from my step-dad. There was occasionally some mumbling, but you could not make out the exact words, and you knew enough not to ask him to repeat them. I don't ever remember him ever losing his temper or raising his voice to any of us. It was remarkable. 

And no matter what, Richard took Sunday off from work. He honored God's day, and rested as commanded in the law of the Sabbath day. We went to church, usually had a good Sunday dinner made by mom's creative hands, and took it easy. Also, many times Richard would go on Sunday afternoon to visit his Aunt Edith Boyd at the nursing home where she resided. She had had a stroke, and was quite debilitated by the time I met her. She had been a school teacher in Illiopolis, and the stroke was a terrible detriment to someone who had been in that profession. We kids would sometimes go with him to visit her, and there was often a treat of soft-serve ice cream purchased for her (and our) enjoyment. You couldn't understand almost anything she said, but we visited her faithfully. She and her husband Bill owned the farm where I now live. She gave the farm to Richard, Richard to my mom, and mom to us. A result of faithful care and familial generosity. 

Richard retired from farming around 1982, and died at age 70 in early 1983. Mom and he shared twenty years of marriage, the same number she had with my dad. We joked some about mom wearing them out after 20 years. One time when all of us kids were back at home together, we were sitting around the table and reminiscing about Richard and all his good qualities. We had much for which we could be thankful. After quite an outpouring of good feelings, all quite serious and heartfelt, someone said, without thinking ahead, “You know, he was so wonderful to have as a stepdad and dad - EVERY FAMILY NEEDS A DICK.” We all burst out laughing at the statement, knowing full well it was meant in the best of senses and not like it sounded. 

Yes, every family needs a “Dick,” if it is such a good man as my stepdad - Richard Phillips.