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Paul Hayden

It's For Your Own Good

May 3, 2010

Since I've been otherwise occupied making a living, it's reassuring to know that my government is looking out for me. In just the last month, our tireless public servants have proposed numerous measures that will make my life better and more worry free.

No longer will I have to worry about drug addicts being able to rig a urine test. The Senate is set to vote on a measure that would make it illegal to sell fake urine for the purpose of falsifying a drug test. Whew.

While they're at it, Congress is also working on banning smokeless tobacco in Major League Baseball. Not only that, but Obama just signed legislation that bans the Post Office from shipping cigarettes, and the CDC is preparing to launch a co-ordinated 50-state anti-smoking campaign. This is just in case you didn't know that smoking may contribute to lung cancer.

Meanwhile, the bureaucrats at the Food and Drug Administration are planning an unprecedented effort to reduce the salt in my diet. Of course, this is for my own good. The FDA is also developing a new regulation that would require food manufacturers to display the nutritional content of food on the front of packages. Finally!

Going a step further, a county supervisor in California has proposed a ban on the inclusion of toys in restaurant meals that contain high amounts of sugar, salt or certain fats. Whoa. Now my kids are protected too - for their own good.

The new fuel mandates Obama recently instituted will keep the earth from melting. Who knew? I figure the additional $1,100 cost they add to every new car is a small price to pay. And in a further effort to save the earth, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi held a press conference to announce that the new "green" light fixtures in the House cafeteria will recoup their $140,000 cost in only 10 years. You won't find any waste of tax dollars on her watch. You betcha.

Speaking of going green, our eco-conscious legislators are also considering enacting the 21st Century Green High-Performing Public Schools Facilities Act. For only $32.9 billion bucks, this act will create a "healthier, safer and more energy-efficient teaching environment by requiring schools to use green materials." †This is a small price to pay to save the earth and educate future generations, right?

Our government has been working overtime on our behalf. In just the last month it has cracked down on profiling Muslim terrorists, made it easier for gays to sue their employers and

threatened to sue Arizona for requiring citizens to actually prove they are U.S. citizens.

I figure the $670 billion in gross tax increases since January of 2009 are well worth the price for the excellent work being done on my behalf. Hey, that's only $2,100 dollars for every man, woman and child. And Obama assures me that rich fat cats will be paying the freight for all these new safety measures that will benefit us all. How cool is that?

With Obama in charge, I no longer have to worry about terrorists attacking us. And if Obama is OK with rogue state Iran having the ability to make nuclear bombs, then itís OK with me, too. After all, he's the expert. And after seeing him on American Idol, I'm reassured that our president will be able to charm all our enemies into laying down their arms and joining Obama in his quest for world peace. Kumbaya.

Just knowing that the government is looking out for me makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Even though 80% of Americans say they can't trust Washington and have little faith that the massive federal bureaucracy can solve America 's problems, I know they're wrong. Just look at what the government has done for us lately.

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Copyright ©2010 Nancy Morgan

Nancy Morgan is a columnist and news editor for RightBias.com