Sources Say...the Dirt on Barack Obama

So, Obama and his surrogates are out there hurling accusations. No, I’m not surprised. As much as I don’t like Mitt Romney as a candidate, even I have to defend him when the crap starts getting tossed around by monkeys, otherwise known as liberals, having a fit.

Mitt Romney did not pay taxes for the last decade? Even though we have tax returns for some of those years that prove otherwise? Mitt Romney killed a steel worker’s wife because a steel company Bain Capital invested in didn’t make it and he lost his health insurance? Even though Romney was nowhere near the company at the time? Even though one of Barack Obama’s main bundlers was in charge of Bain Capital at the time? And even though it is a fact that the man’s wife had health insurance through her own job for many years following the closure?

So, I thought that it was time to fight fire with fire.

All of the following things I have to tell you are true. They have been told to me as facts about Barack Obama. Now, I understand that you might not believe any of the things that I am about to divulge. Some of them might even seem pretty amazing. But rest assured, I have been guaranteed that they are all, 100% true from my super-secret sources.

Of course, I have to protect my sources and not name them, the same way Harry Reid does. And I expect the same level of credibility be granted to me by the mainstream media as they do to any Obama minion hurling accusations.

1. Barack Obama was a delivery boy for the Weather Underground’s San Francisco chapter. In fact, so I am told, he was on duty February 16, 1970 when a certain package was delivered.
   
2. Jon Corzine’s company, MF Global, did not lose millions of dollars through bad investments by gambling on failed European socialism. The truth is that the money was laundered into President Obama’s reelection campaign coffers leaving widows, veterans, and many other innocent people to suffer for the sake of the Messiah’s reelection.
   
3. At least one woman died as a direct result of Michelle Obama’s hand. When she worked at The University of Chicago Hospital as their “Vice President of Community Relations”, this woman, I have it on good authority, was turned away at the door by Ms. Obama personally. “We don’t want that sort of low class trash in here,” Obama is quoted as having said. The woman then died in transit to another hospital after she was refused admittance for a gunshot wound.
   
4. President Obama’s first job was acting as an intermediary on his father’s behalf, selling drugs to his fellow school students in Indonesia.
   
5. Before becoming President, Barack Obama frequently stood in for the Rev. Jeremiah Wright at Emeritus of Trinity United Church of Christ. Not only did he stand in for him, but he also said some very interesting things from the pulpit that all Americans should be aware of including, most infamously, “I will not rest until all those d*** white people are dead!”
   
6. While “working” as a communist street organizer in Chicago, Barack Obama beat an elderly white woman to near death after she refused to take a copy of a propaganda flyer he was distributing and stapling to telephone poles.

Come on mainstream media! Why aren’t you all over these incriminating accusations and holding the President to account? What ever happened to the “seriousness of the charge” excuse?

Oh, that’s right; it only matters when it isn’t a liberal blowhard who is trying to destroy America in the crosshairs!