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Paul Hayden

Irony: The Opposite of Wrinkly

May 31, 2021

Did you know I have been writing this article since November 2004? That's a heap of writing. Several times a year, I select some of the best quotes and short snippets I’ve gleaned from my reading or social media and share them with you. Today’s article is one of those. I’ve included some humor, wisdom, quips, inspiration, and practical and insightful snippets for you. Some are unusual (like the title of this article). Here we go. 

‘Take your age and add 5 to it. That will be your age in 5 years.’ ‘Learn from the mistakes of others; you can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.’ ‘They say we can have gatherings with up to eight people without issues. I don’t even know eight people without issues.’ ‘I need to get back in shape, but I'm kind of waiting to see if the world is going to end before I put any real effort in.' ‘The biggest lie I tell myself is, “I don’t need to write that down. I’ll remember it.”’

Someday the United States may go metric. Here are some phrases involving weights and measures which will need to be converted. 'A near miss is a good as 1.61 kilometers. There isn't 0.06 gram of truth in it. He felt 3.05 meters tall. First down and 9.14 meters to go. She 2.54-'centimetered' her way through the crowd. Don't hide your light under a 35.24 liters.' Here are the conversion answers for the mentally challenged like me: mile; ounce; 10 feet; 10 yards; inched; bushel. I'll bet you never mused about that before.

Consider these ‘B Positive’ blood-pumping ideas. 'If you fail, never give up because F.A.I.L. means First Attempt in Learning. The end is not the end. E.N.D. means Effort Never Dies. If you got no as an answer, remember N.O. means Next Opportunity. Change your mindset.’  Here’s a great thought. ‘Two principles for a happier life: Use things, not people. Love people, not things.’ Here’s a food quip. ‘The Pro’s and Con’s of making food. Pro’s – Food. Con’s – Making.’ ‘Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes.’ That’s a joke - don’t do it. 

No ‘irony-wrinkly’ article would be complete without marriage and relationship quotes. ‘My wife and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more.’ Here’s a fun fact. ‘The majority of archeologists are women due to their natural ability to dig up the past.’ My wife liked that one. ‘If at first, you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you to.' ‘Chromosomes: XX = Female. XY = Male. YYY = Delilah.' 'There are two types of people. Morning chatterboxes and people who do not want to speak or be spoken to in the morning. They usually marry each other.’      

Some wisdom for you: ‘Wrinkles means you laughed, grey hair means you cared, and scars mean you lived.’ Here’s another. ‘If you don’t like something, and it’s not essential or significant, just take away its only power: your attention.’ Here’s a favorite on my Facebook page. ‘The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.' (Ouch). ‘Let your smile change the world but don’t let the world change your smile.’ ‘Don’t let the offense against you produce an offense within you.' ‘We overestimate what we can do over a year but under-estimate what we can do over ten years.’ 

Want to stand out by becoming outstanding in your career? Consider these thoughts. ‘Your smile is your logo. Your personality is your business card. How you leave others feeling after transacting is your trademark.’ 'If you try and fail...congratulations. Most people won't even try.' 'Don't get all steamed up when you don't know what's cooking.' ‘Maybe if we tell some people the brain is an App, they will start using it.’ ‘Begin your day with an “I get to” mentality instead of an “I have to” thought process. I get to go to work. I get to have a busy day. Whatever it is. We often dress our opportunities in stress, but they are, in fact, blessings.'

Consider these self-discovery thoughts. ‘Being less visible doesn’t make you less valuable.’ ‘When you know your value, you will stop giving discounts.’ ‘Know your value, then add tax.’ ‘If God doesn’t say it about you, quit saying it about yourself.’  ‘Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be younger. But they will never be you.’

Let’s close with spiritual health snippets. ‘There isn’t a mask big enough to protect us from everything going on in the world today. We need to suit up with the whole armor of God.’ (Ephesians 6). Here's some encouragement for "sisters" wearing the whole armor of God. 'Sister, when you get on that scale, remind yourself that you are wearing the full armor of God, and that stuff is heavy!' (I just made someone's day!) 'When asked, "What is more important: praying or reading the Bible?" Charles Spurgeon responded with, “What is more important: breathing in or breathing out?”’  

There you go - an article with a bit of irony and a little wrinkly. And remember to breathe in and break out. Prayer and Bible reading will do you good and help you, too. Remember, God's not mad at you. God's mad about you.

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Ed Delph is a leader in church-community connections.
Visit Ed Delph's website at www.nationstrategy.com