Along Comes a Coffee Break
March 2, 2009
Along Comes a Coffee Break
Contributed by John L. Sulak
You see, these four ol' boys, an engineer, an accountant, a chemist and a government employee, were swappin' tales 'bout which one had the smartest cat. First, the engineer called his cat "Slide Rule". He said, "Okay Slide Rule, you show 'em your stuff!" Well ol' Slide Rule grabbed a pencil in his mouth and started scribblin' real fast. They all looked and that cat drew a perfect circle, square, and a triangle on a sheet of graph paper. Well, they all agreed that that was pretty darn smart, except for the government employee. He just kinda sat there with his arms crossed looking smug while his cat slept.
Now the second ol' boy to speak was the accountant. He just wasn't gonna be out done, so he called his cat named "Spreadsheet". He said, "Now Spreadsheet, you ain't gonna let no engineer's cat show you up, are ya? Go on now, show 'em what you got." Well Spreadsheet ran to the kitchen and came back with a box of cookies. It contained one dozen. So there goes Spreadsheet placing them cookies in four lil' piles and each pile was perfectly stacked with three cookies in each one. The accountant threw out his chest as everyone, even the engineer, said the cat was pretty dang smart, except the government employee. He was still lookin' smug and the cat was still sleepin'.
The chemist, by now, was beside himself. He felt his cat, "H2O" was a lot smarter, so he called her over. He said, "H20, you gotta really help me save face. I want you to do what I taught you and exactly like I taught you." The cat went to the cabinet and put a measuring cup on the floor. Next, she went to the ice box and brought back a plastic bottle of milk. She then took the cap off the bottle and poured exactly one cup of milk into the measuring cup. The chemist couldn't be more proud and he rewarded his cat with some bacon, while they all looked with amazement, except the government employee. You got it, smug and asleep.
So now, the three men, being pretty put out by the government employee and his cat's lack of interest all said, almost in unison, "Okay hot shot, what can that ol' lazy cat of yours do?" Well the government employee looked down at his cat and said, "Coffee Break, show 'em what they feel they need to see." So ol' Coffee Break meandered over and ate all four piles of cookies, drank the milk, and then relieved himself on the graph paper. He wasn't done though. No, next he molested (that's as vivid as I am going to get) the other three cats and in so doing he claimed he hurt his back, so he filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, put in for Worker's Compensation, and went home on sick leave.
Now, you might ask yourself, "What is the moral of that story?" Well, this is what you do in America today, if you're irresponsible and lazy. Unfortunately, too many Americans these days fit that description.