To be a Good Liberal

Dear readers: I am preparing to leave on a trip to Mexico to speak for Lance Wallnau’s group. I find that I don’t have time to properly research the article I had planned to write this week. So instead, I offer you some truth mixed with humor that one of our readers sent me.

TO BE A GOOD LIBERAL, you have to believe:

• That the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
  
• That the same teacher who can’t teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
  
• That guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
  
• That there was no art before Federal funding.
  
• That global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth’s climate than by yuppies driving SUVs.
  
• That gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
  
• That capital punishment is bad, but abortion on demand is good.
  
• That businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.
  
• That hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who’ve never been outside of Seattle do.
  
• That self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
  
• That the military, not corrupt politicians, starts wars.
  
• That the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
  
• That taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
  
• That Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.
  
• That homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected & manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
  
• That standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren’t.
  
• That Conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but liars and sex offenders belong in the White House.
  
• That the only reason Socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried, is because the right people haven’t been in charge.