Politically Correct Dictionary

February 17, 2002

by Brian W. Peterson

Have you ever had the misfortune of looking up a word in the dictionary, only to find that you don’t know the terms used to define the word? Then, you must look up a second word to learn the first. Given the speed with which political correctness has rolled through our vocabulary, it may not be long before we will be having the same problem for common, everyday words. Dictionary entries of the future may look something like this:

• Fairness (n.) The act of giving preferential treatment to Liberals; e.g. Fairness can only be achieved by people who are tolerant and disregard repugnant behavior.

• Tolerant (adj.) 1. Accepting immorality, mediocrity, or failure; 2. the ability to disregard substandard behavior; e.g. We must be tolerant and avoid judging criminals who had difficult childhoods.

• Ignorance (n.) The inability to show compassion toward individuals who fail to exhibit civilized behavior; e.g. It is sheer ignorance to expect teenagers to avoid having children out of wedlock.

• Compassion (n.) 1. The acceptance and/or redefining of norms; 2. showing understanding; 3. tolerant; e.g. We must have compassion for Johnny’s circumstances if he robs a liquor store.

• Understanding (v.) 1. The act of making excuses for immorality; 2. overlooking criminal or boorish behavior; 3. the ability to feel good about underachievers and failures; e.g. The lack of understanding is a right wing trait.

• Right Wing (adj., n.) 1. Cold, heartless political philosophy that mistakenly believes that people are better able to make personal decisions than the government; 2. one who exhibits intolerance and lack of compassion; ant. left wing; e.g. The world would be full of understanding, sensitive people if only Republicans would renounce their right wing tendencies.

• Sensitive (adj.) 1. Tolerant; 2. understanding; 3. compassionate; 4. the ability to praise malcontents and slackers as being noble; 5. an open-minded approach to human behavior; e.g. He may have just crapped on the American flag, but you must be sensitive to the political statement that he is trying to make.

• Open-minded (adj.) The progressive idea that all things, no matter how absurd, are acceptable; ant. rational; e.g. Parents need to take an open-minded approach when they learn that their child’s school teachers have dropped the ideas of grades and homework.

• Progressive (adj.) The attempt to unravel all that society has learned in the name of fairness to the criminally and morally impaired; ant. cold; e.g. Progressive social policies are a natural derivative of the Great Society.

• Cold (adj.) Heartless; syn. right wing; ant. left wing;

• Heartless (adj.) conservative; syn. right wing; ant. left wing;

• Left Wing (no entry found)

• Reaganite (adj., n.) Brainwashed, mean-spirited individual who wants to destroy the earth for no apparent reason; e.g. The only mean people still calling for personal responsibility are Reaganites.

• Mean-spirited (adj.) The tendency to disagree with a Liberal; e.g. A protest was sparked when some mean-spirited officials voted to end the needle give-away program.

• Liberal (adj., n.) 1. Someone possessing superior thoughts, ideas, feelings, and motives; 2. someone opposed to competition and individuality; e.g. A good Liberal understands the need for high taxes and loose morals.

• Competition (n.) 1. The archaic capitalistic belief that success can be earned; 2. the denial of fairness; 3. the corruption of discipline; e.g. If a vulnerable, defenseless little child were expected to deal with the horrible pressures of competition sports, certainly he could be permanently scarred and his life shattered.

• Discipline (n.) The exercising of fairness; see Fairness.

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Brian W. Peterson writes a political column for the Antelope Valley Press (circulation approximately 60,000) in Palmdale, California. He is a graduate of Oral Roberts University, where he majored in TV/Film. Brian’s weekly commentary and newspaper columns can be found at www.LifeAndLiberty.com.

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