Political Rules of Thumb

August 4, 2002

by Charles E. Perry

Having studied politics for a number of years, I have discovered some rules of thumb for American politics, and I’d like to share them with all of you. Yes, I’m sharing the acquired wisdom of decades. So here they are:

If you have nothing else to run your campaign on, toss out vague allegations of wrongdoing on the part of your opponent. The vaguer the better, and be sure to call the lack of actual evidence of any wrongdoing, "suspicious." Practice looking concerned, and try to covey the feeling that the situation is ominous. If you’re not elected, the world may come to an end.

If you want to get a huge pork project passed and there is no discernible reason for it, invoke the children. Tell people we need it for the future of our children, and characterize anyone who opposes it as mean spirited and cruel. Make it seem like there will be a crisis if your pork project isn’t done, and the world may come to an end. Be sure to be vague about how the world will come to an end though, specifics are death to a politician.

If you do it right, an increase in the budget can be characterized as a cut. Just tell everyone that we should raise the budget by 10%. Then, if we only raise it by 5%, it’s a 5% cut. You can use this to make it seem as if your opponent is punishing the poor, or to make it look like you’re fiscally responsible. Sure, it’s a lie, but this is politics. Who expects honesty from a politician?

If you can’t find anything bad that your opponent did, attack his family. Every family has at least one doofus, and this can be used to your political advantage. Bury your own family doofus, and deny you even knew he ever existed. This can be difficult when the doofus is, say, your brother, but it can be done.

From time to time, a people will be able to attain freedom. Almost invariably they will then allow the government to grow so large and intrusive that it becomes a tyranny. This is known as "bad luck." All governments tend to become tyrannical, and all people just want to be left alone to live their lives in freedom. Politics is a balancing act between these two extremes, swinging first one way, then the other. All too often, freedom loses.

Well, that’s it for this go around. Hope you enjoyed it.

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Charles E. Perry is a freelance writer living in Michigan. He has done a variety of things in his life, including Ward Supervisor at the State of Michigan's Maximum Security Mental Facility. His degree is in accounting, but he discovered writing and now spends his time hunched over a keyboard, hollow-eyed, looking for just the right word. Perry is the author of "How Government Should Work: A Look at the Federalist Papers and the Constitution of the United States," currently pending publication.

Send the author an E mail at Perry@ConservativeTruth.org.

For more of Charlie's articles, visit his archives.