Sex Respect and the Truth about Love

October 27, 2002

by Coleen Kelly Mast

Love is more than biology; friendship is more than passion; and a lifelong marriage is more than a dream. Teenagers are not animals; self-control is a step toward human maturity; and birth control does not solve the problem of teenage loneliness. The healthy and proper setting for procreation is a man and a woman in marriage. Politically Incorrect? Or Naturally True?

These were some of the messages of “Sex Respect, the Option of True Sexual Freedom,” which I wrote in 1983 as a project for a Master’s Degree program in Health Education. Never did I dream that my measurable educational objectives would someday be the basis of a federal statute to spread the message of abstinence. Nor did I suspect that the message of Sex Respect would spark a national movement. (www.SexRespect.com)

Armed with the first sexual abstinence workbooks for teens, parents and teachers in the mid-1980’s, I spent the next several years debating Planned Parenthood, the ACLU and SEICUS on radio, TV shows and in the press. The 1995 debate answers with Ed Bradley of 60 Minutes were so truthful that they were never aired. The liberal media and other groups have done everything they can to make sexual abstinence a controversial issue.

How did I respond to the critics? The message of the “Sex Respect” Program in the latest edition is stronger than ever. Instead of backing off from its opponents, the Sex Respect program has been strengthened to include academic responses to all of the liberal complaints. They don’t believe that there are any emotional consequences to teen sex that birth control cannot solve? Now there is a whole chapter about those consequences! They don’t think that sexually active teens can change their ways? Now there are teen testimonials to prove it, both in books and videos! They think that living together before marriage is a good practice for relationships? Find out the missing links in the new marriage chapter section, ‘Marriage: Not to Be Tested on Humans.’ They think there are no consequences for a girl who has an abortion? See Nicole’s true story in the Sex Respect video, “You Can’t Hide.”

The Sex Respect Program offers an upbeat and fun chastity message for teens in public and private schools, youth groups and clubs despite controversies and lawsuits. This spring ‘Sex Respect’ was even referenced in Rolling Stone Magazine, as the reporters acknowledged the new popularity of abstinence. Respect, Incorporated, the publishing company of the Sex Respect Programs, receives none of the federal abstinence money, although a few grantees use the Sex Respect Program. If a school claims they cannot afford the program, quite often a local service group or generous philanthropist comes to their aid for the sake of the community.

The Sex Respect Program introduces the truth about love, as measured by principles of healthy human relationships. When school administrators allow the philosophy of hedonism or the politics of birth control and abortion to enter their health education classroom, they contradict the whole purpose of health class. It’s like inviting a bartender to speak during the section on alcohol, or inviting the Fuzz Buster salesman to speak to the driver’s education class. The responsibility of health educators is to provide students with the knowledge and motivation to improve the quality of their lives, not to lower themselves to basal instinct without proper personal introspection.

True freedom, as taught in the Sex Respect books and videos, can only be found while reserving sexual pleasures for marriage. “Premarital sex can even fool you into marrying the wrong person,” the ‘Sex Respect’ student workbook states, “because the emotional bonding of sex can lead you to believe that your relationship is deeper than it actually is.” Today’s confused young people need time to develop good character without powerful emotional entanglements, and learn about life through friendship and communication. High school is a time to prepare for real life, not mess up your future ability to love, the course teaches.

The success of implementing ‘Sex Respect’ in a local school district has mostly come from good people who know the truth when they see it, and personally approach their school district with the set of three books and the 5-video series. They explain the truth about love and address the real social consequences of raising another generation that does not know how to have stable relationships. Smart school administrators who can see the needs of kids and the depth of the Sex Respect Program welcome an academic health approach that includes the whole person, and not just the avoidance of disease or pregnancy.

Education in love has really made a difference for those involved in the Sex Respect Program. Teachers, social workers and nurses who attend the Sex Respect teacher training seminars claim that they begin to look at love and marriage in a more positive light. Parents who complete the parent/teen communication exercises with their teen find their own relationships improved. More teenagers are learning that they are “worth waiting for,” and their parents and grandparents in the community can see the positive effects of respect, patience and love. Sex Respect. Don’t you wish everyone had it?

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Colleen Mast has been involved in Family Life Education for 25 years. She is married and has five children. She holds a Masters Degree in Health Education from Western Illinois University. In 1999, she received an honorary doctorate degree in Humane Letters from Quincy University. In addition to providing Sex Respect Training Seminars, she co-hosts a call-in advice radio program called “The Doctor is In,” which is syndicated in 25 cities. Respect, Incorporated can be reached at 877-6-RESPECT. Their website is www.SexRespect.com.